Category Archives: Australia
Apparently, these were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!) True or not, I wish I’d said a few of them.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Australian singer, actor and television personality Darryl Cotton passed away at 62 on July 27. As I researched his career, I was amazed at the depth and connections he had. He played with Rick Springfield, was involved with a group that morphed into the Little River Band, song-wrote for Donny and Marie Osmond, Olivia Newton-John, Shaun Cassidy, The New Seekers and Engelbert Humperdink.
Enjoy his 1980 hit “Same Old Girl”.
Jim Niven was an Australian piano/organ player who was in 2 notable bands of the 1970’s Australian music scene. He was in “The Captain Matchbox Whoopee Band” followed by a stint with “The Sports“. He passed after a short battle with cancer on April 9. In memory, I have placed 2 videos. The first is from his time with the Sports, the second is with Captain Matchbox, although I can’t confirm he is in this one. It is still an interesting song.
Don’t Throw Stones – The Sports
Captain Matchbox Whoopee Band – Who Walks in When I Walk Out
Australian guitarist Clive Shakespeare passed away on February 15. He was 62. Born in England, he had moved to Australia with his family in 1949. He will be best remembered as the lead guitarist for the band Sherbet. You may remember this hit from 1975.
The band also made some chart noise with this tune. It reached #4 in the UK and #61 in the USA.
He left the band prior to Howzat, but joined with them on several reunion tours.
- Old music: Sherbet – Cassandra (guardian.co.uk)
It was quite the weekend for our boys of summer. On July 9, as the Gold Coast Blue Tongues completely destroyed the Sydney Ice Dogs by a score of 7-1. Matt Amado had a stellar game with 2 goals and 4 assists. Tobias Falk had a hat trick. The Blue Tongues thoroughly dominate the the Ice Dogs. It was a very important 3 points to the team. But, just to show that poor league rulings can destroy teams ability to control their own destinies, we have the game of July 10.
The game on this day was cancelled due to unsafe ice conditions. Fair enough, EXCEPT, the league decided that the Blue Tongues would forfeit the game, with the 3 points going to the Ice Dogs. Again, possibly, fair enough, EXCEPT, the team is not responsible for the ice, the owners of the rink are responsible. This has caused quite the furor as evidenced by the replies on the post the league made on their Facebook page. We have been ripped off, and may lose a playoff spot because of this unjust decision. Please make your voice heard and email the league at this address.
I also found this promo video for the team that I would like to share
- NHL Season is Over, Now What (joebeans2002.wordpress.com)
Tonight’s games are key to our heroes playoff hopes. The play 2 against the Sydney Ice Dogs and a couple of victories would go a long way to our continued coverage. In preparation, I have gone over their roster and have selected a few players for us to keep an eye on. One is a Canadian (of course) and the other played for my old hometown team, the Saskatoon Blades. I was surprised to see this, and it makes me pleased we picked the Gold Coast Blue Tongues.
The Canadian, Matt Amado, is the teams leading scorer with 29 goals and 16 assists in 16 games. He hails from Langley, BC and played junior in Penticton, BC and 4 years with Notre Dame University in NCAA hockey. He kicked around some minor leagues in North America before heading to Europe where he played in France and Italy before ending up in Australia. He had played for Gold Coast in 2007 for 1 season and set an all time scoring record with 39 goals in 20 games. A force to be reckoned with.
Our second player is an Australian who played in Canada, Adam Geric. In fairness, he was born and raised in Canada, but he does have Australian citizenship, making him a local and he does not count against the league’s import limit. He played his junior in Nanaimo for a year before moving on to the Saskatoon Blades for 2 seasons. he played one season there with NHL star Devin Setoguchi. He has played only 3 games so far this season with 1 assist. Not a star,yet!
An interesting side note, a player on Sydney, Brook Robson, played his junior hockey in Manitoba, the Charleswood Hawks in Winnipeg. I have seen a few Hawks game when I lived in the Charleswood area of Winnipeg.
I look forward to tonight’s games, which is actually Saturday night because it is already tomorrow morning there.
I wrote a post yesterday in which I decided to follow the Australian Ice Hockey League. In said post (pretty good English eh?) I placed a poll to determine which team I would be following and would do some posts on that team and hopefully follow them all the way to a championship run. I am certain it will not be as exciting as the Bruins run, but it is better than nothing.
The poll results are in and, after a whopping 17 votes in total, and 6 for the winner, we will be paying rapt attention to the fortunes of the Gold Coast Blue Tongues. a catchy name if I have ever heard one. Apparently it is named after a lizard that has a blue tongue that is common in this part of Australia. Go figure. A good choice as well as an ex-Bruin once played for them, Rob Zamuner. I believe he even played for Team Canada once in the Olympics.
I will be doing a couple of posts between now and their next game (They only play on weekends, so the games won’t interfere with their jobs, I guess) and will focus on some team history and go over their roster. We will also take a closer look at their upcoming opponent. The Blue Tongues (kind of rolls off the tongue doesn’t it) are currently in 4th place in the league. The regular season ends on August 28th, followed by their playoffs.
To give us an idea on the league, I have attached a video about the Blue Tongues. It reminds me of playing in rec hockey in Martensville, Saskatchewan.
Go Blue Tongues Go!!!!
- NHL Season is Over, Now What (joebeans2002.wordpress.com)
I know. It is winter in the Southern Hemisphere, maybe we should track the Australian Ice Hockey League. Yes, it exists. I have the proof right here.
Now all we have to do is pick a team to support. I am thinking a poll would work. If this is any kind of fun, I’ll do some stories on the team that wins. If not, then to the trash hahahaha.