Adult Content Warning
Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.
Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, ‘You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around’ he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor. ‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .
‘I said: ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin??’
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: ‘A pumpkin? Shit … is it midnight already?’
I just want to be clear – THIS WAS NOT ME.
In case there was any confusion…
They found threads of yellow lederhosen on the fence and on the pumpkin brambles. the evidence is circumstantial, just pointing it out.
BAHHAHAHA I remember this joke, my grandfather told it to me when I was a kid. It’s amazing how jokes adapt over time…
It is a good one. Apparently El Guapo is in denial mode. Kind of making me put 1 and 1 together.
Haha!
Whoa, that’s a pretty good response for someone who’s drunk. And having sex with a pumpkin.
:D:D:D Damn man, it just funniest topic i had view today
Had to post it, thoought it was to funny nt to
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Thanks, and welcome back
Oh, Jeesh…that’s a good one.
Like Lily says. Not bad for a drunk guy making it with a pumpkin
Uh-oh, look who’s getting close to needing a content warning on their blog as well. 😉 That was funny though.
Touche
I’ve always found pumpkins excruciatingly difficult to cut holes in, so, gotta admire the guy for that. Plus – soft and squishy? Not unless you cook them. Hmm
lol
This was an awesome start to my morning with a good laugh. 🙂
Loved it to when I first ran across it.