Best Comeback Line Ever

Adult Content Warning

Drunk Pumpkin

Drunk Pumpkin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, ‘You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around’ he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor. ‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .
‘I said: ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin??’

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: ‘A pumpkin? Shit … is it midnight already?’


About John

I enjoy travel, sports, music and anything else that jumps up at me for the moment, which is why I blog. There will be lots of music and travel posts and a smattering of sports and humour. I enjoy promoting Canada and am unabashedly a proud Canuck.

Posted on June 18, 2012, in General, Humour and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I just want to be clear – THIS WAS NOT ME.
    In case there was any confusion…

  2. BAHHAHAHA I remember this joke, my grandfather told it to me when I was a kid. It’s amazing how jokes adapt over time…

  3. AgrippingLife


  4. Whoa, that’s a pretty good response for someone who’s drunk. And having sex with a pumpkin.

  5. :D:D:D Damn man, it just funniest topic i had view today

  6. Thanks for the morning laugh!

  7. Oh, Jeesh…that’s a good one.

  8. Uh-oh, look who’s getting close to needing a content warning on their blog as well. 😉 That was funny though.

  9. I’ve always found pumpkins excruciatingly difficult to cut holes in, so, gotta admire the guy for that. Plus – soft and squishy? Not unless you cook them. Hmm

  10. This was an awesome start to my morning with a good laugh. 🙂

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