Friday Funnies – From The Emailbag


Canadian Government Stimulus Plan

After filing their personal tax returns by April 30th, many Canadians will again receive a tax refund.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it in a Q & A format:

Q. What is a tax refund payment?

A. It’s money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your tax refund wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in Canada by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to hockey games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only “truly” Canadian businesses still operating)

Conclusion:

Go to a hockey game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I’m just glad to be of help.

About John

I enjoy travel, sports, music and anything else that jumps up at me for the moment, which is why I blog. There will be lots of music and travel posts and a smattering of sports and humour. I enjoy promoting Canada and am unabashedly a proud Canuck.

Posted on April 6, 2012, in General, Humour and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Excellent advice.
    though if any Canadians really need useful stuff, send the money to me and I’ll be glad to ship out a semi-used toothpick.

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